My Homebirth.

Welcoming our beautiful baby boy, Forrest Anthony Ray Gorham to the world. Born at home on Monday the 13th of June (38 weeks + 5 days) at 11.28am. 3.71kgs of pure perfection.

My birth story starts out with a “bang!”

It was the Queen’s birthday public holiday, Monday the 13th of June, 38 weeks 5 days pregnant. I was asleep in bed when an audible, loud “bang” and strong popping sensation high up in my tummy and to the left, woke me up. I thought “That could’ve been my waters popping… No thank you… Not today… Probably just a big kick” and I drifted back to sleep for a little while. When I next woke up, I thought I’d check if it was my waters. I reached down and there was fluid. I said to my husband, Elliot, who was asleep next to me, “I think my waters have gone” and I went to the bathroom to check. Fluid started dripping down my legs as I walked, not a gush, just a trickle. I suspect it was my hind waters as opposed to the fore waters.

This was not how I expected my labour to begin. I had experienced some tightening’s and crampy sensations in the past week but nothing with a pattern or too intense that I couldn’t continue with whatever I was doing at the time. Baby was low and fully engaged at my last prenatal appointment a week earlier, but I knew that didn’t really mean anything and baby could be weeks away.

In my previous two births my waters had released as the first sign labour too (spontaneously at 37 weeks 4 days with my first baby – 6 hour labour from surges beginning and with an AROM induction at 39 weeks 2 days with my second baby – 1 hour and 40 mins from AROM to baby arriving) however, I’d had a private OB and stretch and sweeps. I’d always felt as though the stretch and sweeps had affected my labours, made my waters break and made my labours faster. For this birth, my 3rd baby, I had chosen independent midwifery care with Claire from Your Birth Midwifery and to birth my baby at home. This meant no intervention, autonomy and full ownership of my experience. It was also an opportunity to put all my birth work knowledge and experience to use. I have been a professional birth doula for many years now.  My midwife and I had chatted about me likely going past my due date for the first time and preparing to be pregnant for 41 weeks or more. We were both curious about what my body would do when left alone to labour and birth without intervention.

I was looking forward to a longer pregnancy and how I’d feel in the waiting/ in between. As a doula, I have supported dozens of mamas and only 1 has had their baby in the 38th week of pregnancy. In my experience with the women I’ve supported, the vast majority of them have had their babies around 40-41 weeks. Regardless of my care provider and place of birth, it seems my body has a distinct pattern – waters go first, surges begin very shortly after, I have quick labours, I labour during the day & never at night, I have my babies before their due date.

As I sat on the toilet with small trickles of fluid leaking, I had a strong sense of a male energy. In pregnancy, I was about 80% sure this baby was a boy (we didn’t find out he gender in pregnancy) but now I felt 100% sure that he was. It felt like his presence was born in that moment and I could sense him. I called him a cheeky boy several times that morning! I also had some negative thoughts on the toilet “What if labour doesn’t start over the next few days and I have to go to hospital”, “It’s the 13th, an unlucky number” and “I’m not ready.” It was 8am, I called my midwife and doula and reluctantly told them my waters had gone and to please be on standby for when I was ready for them to come to support. I didn’t want them arriving at this stage as surges hadn’t started. I was not in a good headspace and needed some time and space to get myself together. I wasn’t attached to the idea of getting to my due date, but I was surprised it was happening now.

Elliot sprung out of bed and started getting the birth pool organised. He also went to talk to my brother, Andrew, who was in the spare room as he’d spent the long weekend with us. Andrew and I had talked about the possibility of me going into labour while he was here but he didn’t want to be here while I gave birth. He was planning on going home that morning anyway. The night before, we were playing a board game and I said to him “Lucky the baby didn’t arrive while you were here” and he said “Don’t speak to soon!” Andrew helped tidy up, set up to pool and fed my older kids breakfast.

The kids were really excited and bouncing off the walls, it was not the calm, relaxed energy I needed. The biggest decision I had to make that morning involved my older kids. Do they stay or do they go? As I’d had a previous precipitous birth, I knew that if they left that morning, they may miss the birth but if they didn’t leave, I may not get in the right headspace and labour may be harder on me. I know how much of a mind game birth is! It was really important for the kids to be involved and present for the birth of their sibling (if they wanted and felt comfortable). We had a back-up plan in place if they were overwhelmed and ever wanted to leave. The kids were booked in for a trampolining session 10-11am at bounce that morning and were meeting friends there. I’d booked the tickets the week before. I knew I needed some time just Elliot and I to get into the right mind frame so I decided to send the kids out with their Nan. She was on her way to collect them. Sonny didn’t want to go as he was worried he’d miss the birth, we reassured him that we’d call Nan & he could come back.

At around 9am I started to feel dull, crampy sensations but I didn’t need to pause or breath through them. I contacted my birth team to let them know.

As my brother left I said, “I think this baby will be born before you get back to Melbourne” it’s a 4 hour drive from my place. He said “I’m proud of you already.” The kids were collected soon after Andrew left.

After my brother & my kids left the house, surges picked up immediately. I surrendered to baby arriving today and mentally let go. I knew that if I resisted, the labour may be painful or fear may creep in. With the flick of a switch, I welcomed the sensations, told our baby that I was ready and drifted off into labour land. I was excited and happy that we would meet our baby soon. I laboured in the living room standing, swaying and leaning over the kitchen bench tops and dining table. In between surges, I cut up an entire rock melon for something to do and had a few bites. This was the only breakfast I had. Elliot had filled the birth pool, put on our birth playlist (I’d been listening to it for a week or so on repeat. It’s full of my favourite songs that give me tingles and the feels, some positive affirmation tracks and absolute soulful, birth magic from @the.edwina.masson), he put the blinds down to make the house darker, warmed up my wheat bag and I held it on my lower tummy. The surges were very low, in a ‘U’ shaped band just above my pubic bone. This early part of the labour didn’t last long and sensations got close together and intensified.

We made our way to the bedroom and stacked up a pile of pillows on the bed which I leaned onto. The wheat bag was still on my lower tummy and we called our midwife (at around 10am) and asked her to come over. She lives an hour and a half away. The bedroom was really dark and I lay down. I had my hand on my tummy at one point and felt a surge harden it, creeping from down low, up to the top. I heard myself vocalising and thought “It’s too early to be making those sounds.”

I then had a couple of very intense surges that felt like too much. I didn’t actively visualise this but an image came to me in my minds eye – sound waves like on a monitor. I was the wave on the bottom & the surge was a wave bigger than me and above me. I felt squashed by it. I knew I needed to change this. With the next surge my vocalisation changed and deepened, I could then see that I was vibrating above the surge and on top of it. The sensation felt less intense and more manageable. “Ride the wave” as they say…

Something shifted. Again, I didn’t actively visualise this but an image came to me in my mind’s eye. It looked like a solar eclipse. Vast black space and a black circle, outlined by a very thin glow. As the next surge grew, so did the circle. It expanded until it reached its full capacity by the end of the surge. “That’s my cervix” I thought to myself. At the same time, I had felt space being created and my baby move down from my womb. My next thought was, “I’m fully dilated”, I may or may not have been but I was progressing very quickly. I asked Elliot to make sure the pool was warm and ready to go. I also contacted my Doulatog, Sarah @documenting.motherhood and asked her to come over. I have no idea what I said to her! I started to feel a slight urge to push and after the next surge had stopped, I stripped off and made my way to the birth pool in the living room.

It was around 11am when I got into the birth pool. I’ve supported so many women stepping over that blue, inflated edge, it felt surreal being the one stepping over it now. The water was so warm and comforting and I felt myself relax. I’ve used water immersion in labour with my 2 previous births but always been told to get out when I started bearing down. It was so great to have the pool as the final place to birth my baby, with no one around to tell me to get out. I felt safe and supported by the water. The surges were at peak intensity and close together but the water certainly helped with managing the sensations. In my 2 previous births, gas has always worked well for me at this stage of labour, however, as gas wasn’t available at home, I decided I’d have clitoral stimulation as a substitute if I needed it. I know which one I’d prefer! And which one is more affective! Can you guess? In my doula work, I’ve discussed nipple and clitoral stimulation as a pain management technique, but I’ve never seen a mama use this oxytocin booster during labour or birth (to my knowledge or awareness anyway!) It was so affective for me. It didn’t take the sensation away but it took the edge off the intensity. I also put a face washer over my vulva as the texture of the fabric also helped manage the intensity. Do what works I say! I lay on my side for a while and the urge to push started to grow. It was building.

“No one is going to make it” I thought. I felt a strong wave of guilt wash over me… No kids, no doulatog, no midwife. This was always a possibility (it’s possible to birth unassisted regardless of your care provider and where you choose to give birth. Birth happens!) and something that had been acknowledged for my birth – My last baby was born in under 2 hours. Regardless of knowing all of this, I apologised to Elliot, “I’m sorry, no one is going to make it.” I felt awful that it would just be him holding space for me. Would he be worried? Would he be stressed? He was neither of those things. His energy was positive and calm the whole time. He’s always been an excellent birth support.

It must’ve been the feeling of guilt which then made me feel the intensity spike again (fear/ pain cycle!) and I had a moment of being overwhelmed. I thought to myself “I can’t do this” but the
words I spoke out loud, were “I can do this.” It’s like my brain was telling a lie (I can’t) and my body knew it could and the word ‘can’ came out instead. There was a filter blocked the negativity from being voiced. I remember Elliot reiterating “You can do it” and encouraging me. I then found kneeling with my head resting on the side to the pool the best position for me at this stage and this is where I stayed until my baby was born. 

Birth photos and video are extremely important to me and I needed documentation of the birth. We had planned to set up the phone to capture video, so I asked my husband to get the phone. We have video of the birth from 11.14am. Sarah must’ve arrived at this time too. It felt wonderful that she had arrived, we had her support and we would have images of our baby being born. Phew!

I started to push involuntarily – So strong, so powerful. This is a familiar sensation as I’ve experienced it with all 3 of my births now. When giving birth to my first baby, I remember saying “I feel like I’m
vomiting out of my vagina!” Haha.

I just went with the sensations and trusted my body to do its thing. I had really good breaks in between where I rested and caught my breath. I asked Elliot to call his Mum and make sure she was on her way back with the kids. I really wanted them to witness their sibling being born. It’s been so wonderful witnessing their experience of pregnancy and birth, I’m really passionate about including them, in an age appropriate way, and normalising the process. The kids were on their way. This 2nd stage of the labour felt very different to the 1st stage, I actually said “It feels good. It feels better.” Thanks to having the birth on video, I can watch back and note all of these details which would otherwise be forgotten. I could feel my baby moving down with each surge, a feeling I really enjoyed. In my previous births, I’ve just wanted to get things ‘over and done with’ so the intense sensations and vulnerability would go away. Not this time, I wanted to feel everything, not run away from it and I wanted to savour the last minutes of being pregnant. I wanted to slow things down, not rush and I wanted our baby to be born gently.

This next part is the single most empowering thing I have ever experienced in my life and the highlight of my labour and birth (besides the baby being born of course). I was curious where my baby was and how far away they were, so I checked inside with my finger… Wow! Baby was so close, only a couple of inched away! The sensation was so amazing. Soft, slimy and cushion like all around a bony mucus covered head. It doesn’t sound great, but it was a magical moment. I touched my baby before they were earthside, before anyone else. I felt around their head a few times. “I’m feeling baby’s head” I said to Elliot. I had 2 more surges, where I tried to bring baby as gently and slowly as I could. As these surges were building, I said, “Go slow, slowly, just slowly.”

“It’s ok. It’s ok” I said out loud to my baby. I wanted to let them know that they were safe, loved and I was ready to be their Mama. I had another feel inside. Baby had moved down an inch or so. I knew we’d be meeting them soon.

Louise, our second midwife arrived and I felt myself relax. As well as being our second midwife, we are also wonderful friends. I was really glad she’d made it in time, her presence was so lovely. She knelt by the pool, made eye contact with me and we had some gentle words about stretching sensations, the intensity and me not wanting to rush. I heard her breathe and sigh “Ahhh” and I mimicked her. The involuntary pushing stopped and I breathed my baby down. As baby was crowing, I applied pressure to the front of my vulva where I felt the stretching the most intensely. I experienced a foetal ejection reflex and the sensations changed one last time. I expected to feel baby’s head be born but this feeling was of softness, not hard like a head or shoulders. “Is that baby’s head?” I said. “Keep baby underwater” Louise said. I later learned that their head and shoulders were born in that moment, so that softness was their body in between two worlds for a second. I reached behind me, gently pushed baby down and through my legs. I saw them underwater for a moment before I bought them up and out. I couldn’t bring baby up very far out of the water as their cord was wrapped around their neck. I rested baby on my thigh and gently unwrapped the cord, with Elliot supporting. (You can see he makes a ‘net’ with his hands to keep baby out of the water if he were to slip.) I bring my baby up to my chest and my heart bursts into a million pieces. I can’t put into words the feeling. He cries loudly, immediately, and lets us know he’s here. It was the most perfect moment.

Elliot announced that we had a baby boy and my heart burst again. Nothing else existed… we just soaked him in. It was heaven.

Our 2 big kids arrived home 12 minutes after our baby was born and Claire @yourbirthmidwifery, our primary midwife, arrived just a few minutes after them. Although 3 important people from our birth team, who we wanted present, weren’t there when our baby was born, it was just how it was meant to be. You can plan for birth, but you can’t control it.

Watching my kids reaction to meeting their siblings was beyond wonderful. Although they didn’t see their sibling be born, I know this moment will positively impact them for the rest of their lives. Sonny, my 7 year old son, wants to be a midwife! They were both very keen to find out the gender and when we told them he was a boy, Sonny casually announced his name to everyone which was very special. Meanwhile, my daughter Coco, quietly observed then asks where the placenta is. Mama was working on it…

My placenta took almost 2 hours to be born, which is longer than my actual labour. I loved this stage of the process and never felt rushed or hurried. I felt very loved and supported by the whole team and the oxytocin was flowing! The team offered me water, food, massage, warm towels, @blissful.herbs placenta release tincture when I asked and kept the depth & temperature of the water just right. I had mild period sensations when baby latched – dull and very low. This was my first physiological 3rd stage as I’ve always had Syntocinon immediately after birth. I didn’t consent to this injection with my first born and I had some healing to do around this. I expected to have more intense sensations in the 3rd stage, so I did find it difficult to work with them, given how mild they were. I gave a few pushes but never had an urge to push. 

I spent a long time in the pool just waiting, releasing, visualising and soaking baby in. My internal voice was saying things like “I am ready to Mother my baby” “I thank my body for growing my baby and I now let go.” I did have moments of frustration because baby wanted to feed properly and I felt like I couldn’t feed and release the placenta at the same time in the water. Forrest was keen to feed and latched really well, our breastfeeding journey had begun in a really positive way. I was so happy to be nourishing my 3rd baby.

I had picked out a stainless-steel bowl to contain the placenta once released. I wanted that beautiful picture of mum, baby with their white cord attached to their placenta floating in a bowl in the water. I needed to let this go, as it wasn’t going to be our story.

After more than an hour, I decided it was time to get out of the pool and try something different. I lay down on the bed with baby & also tried squatting on a puppy pad on the bed. Our midwife, Claire, then suggested the toilet which sounded good. Our midwives set up a puppy pad to cover the bowl so the placenta could be caught and kept clean for encapsulation.

I’ve always heard that the placenta feels like a fullness in the bum/ down low. I did not have this sensation at all. I felt like I needed to wee, in hindsight, I had a very full bladder and this may’ve contributed to the placenta taking a while to come. On the toilet I focused on doing a wee and letting go… I didn’t wee but the placenta came out very easily and quickly on the toilet. It was an amazing sensation of relief and I felt like the birth was now over. I had very minimal blood loss overall. Having a physiological 3rd stage was the cherry on top of the whole wonderful homebirth experience.

Elliot tied Forrest’s cord tie and Sonny and Coco wore their sibling wrist bands. Elliot cut the umbilical cord. Everyone had cuddles in bed and hours of skin to skin with our new baby. We didn’t dress Forrest until later that night.

Breastfeeding started off really well for us from day 1. Something I can’t say for my first baby, as we had many challenges. Despite this, we got there in the end and my first born was exclusively BF past his 1st birthday. Forrest and I have since had a few BF challenges due to his tongue tie, which was released. I also have oversupply and a fast let down which we’ve been working through. I would love to continue to breastfeed Forrest and make it to 2 years, as both of my big kids have self-weaned at around 14 months. We’ll see what he decides!

I had a slight superficial graze but chose not to get stitches. I didn’t have any pain or discomfort and wanted to rest as much as possible this postpartum and encourage natural healing to take place. I’ve have had 1 episiotomy and second degree tearing/ stitches with my other babies. I put this down to coached pushing and not being able to breath my baby down the way that felt good for me, so having no stitches or significant tear was another big win!

I did have pretty full on after pains on night 1 but managed them well with heat, tincture and 1-2 doses of pain relief.

My homebirth has been one of the highlights of my life. That’s not to take anything away from the births of my older 2 kids, they’ve taught me more in their short years than anyone else. Their births inspired my doula work and have led me to the choices around my pregnancy, birth and postpartum with Forrest.

It really was the most magical day. I was floating around on an oxytocin high and didn’t come back down to earth for about 2 weeks. The birthing experience has impacted my postpartum greatly which has also been such a positive experience. 

Thank you for reading along… Big love and hugs to Elliot, Sarah, Claire, Louise, Coco and Sonny. I’m so grateful for everyone’s support.

Images by Documenting Motherhood.