Brie’s Birth Story.
My birth was moving along perfectly… until it didn’t. You would think being my 5th baby that I would have learnt my lesson in surrendering all control.
For 9 months I envisioned that incredible moment when I would reach down and greet my baby as he or she make their way earth side. Gently placing them on my chest, holding them as they transition from the warmth and safety of my womb to our crazy world. To be the first person to see if bub was a boy or a girl, to enjoy that moment of bliss after all the hard work I had endured during labour and the pregnancy. The union of our sacred contract.
I had already birthed 4 posterior babies, 1 c-section and 3 vaginal. I spent so much time researching how I could increase my chances of having an anterior baby.
After a short and what felt like a rather “easy” labour I was ready to push. I remember crying thinking “I’ve done it, it’s time to meet this baby, not long now”. I even told my husband to get his camera out and take lots of photos.
It was not to be. After 3 hours of pushing, awful unrelenting back pain bub was not budging. So I called it. It was clear to all of us that bub was not in a good birthing position.
So off to theatre we went for a c-section. I cannot fault the team that welcomed my baby into the world. The Nurses, Midwives and Doctors were all lovely and kind. They took oodles of photos for me which I am very grateful for.
But this was not my plan… this is not how I wanted to meet my baby and after her birth the disappointment set it. I deeply experienced all of the emotions, feeling like I failed, I gave up, I should have tried harder, anger, sadness… I just felt genuinely ripped off by my stupidly shaped pelvis.
But after a debrief with those close to me, I’m feeling ok about it. I’m grieving what wasn’t and sitting in acceptance of what was.
2021 as a whole was deep a lesson in surrender and my birth was no different.
I now look at my perfect little girl, Evelyn, with joy and wonder, knowing that she entered this world the way she wanted to.
No matter how our babies make their grand entrance, it’s perfect and sacred.
Unfortunately, due to strict Covid restrictions, Doula Lou wasn’t able to support Toby and I during labour and delivery, but I know she was holding space from afar and showered me in support after the birth.
Thank you to Brie for sharing your story. It’s been such a joy supporting you as you welcome baby number 5, Evelyn.